So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
