if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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