she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
