My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize
