he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
