she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
