I hate your face
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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