I will die if light touches me.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Randomize
