The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
