We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
