respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
