my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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