I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
