dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.