Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.