I like my sex mixed with concussions.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
It was like giving head to a cactus.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?