okay pat passed out under dana's car
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.