This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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