I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
