she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
