I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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