puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
