thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
