um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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