you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
