i don't like sucking hair
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
