If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
