Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
