did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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