Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
