fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
