Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
