when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Randomize
