I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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