Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Is it because I queefed?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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