Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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