I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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