i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
