the day after is always just damage control
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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