everyone is single if you try hard enough
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
