You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
