i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
