Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
