God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
