Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
