If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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