Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
