My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
