We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
