suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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