We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
