we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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