yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I lost the right to judge tonight
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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