I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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