I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
You can't special order awesome
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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