You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Randomize
