We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
he shaved USA in his pubs
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
