I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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