she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Do vagina's smell?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
