The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
