Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
