He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
