Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
