I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
