I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
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