She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
