can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
