please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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